What's the score here? What comes next?

Question of my goddamn life.

I hate hate hate disappointment, it makes me realize how young I am. The maturity level at which I handle such things has indeed increased ten-fold in the last few years, but I'm still very 20. And that really bothers me. Especially because at times I've felt 30 since age 12.

20 isn't respectable.

It has no authority.

You're still allowed to do stupid shit that you probably won't be held responsible for later in life. Then why do I beat myself up over mistakes made and emotions felt? I guess I'm just 20. These things are supposed to happen.

I really can't feel too sorry for myself. Everyone goes through this shit.

That's something that really helped me deal with my depression. Once I realized that angst, strife, and sadness are UNIVERSAL human experiences, regardless of culture, it made the sadness seem less isolated. The wealthy, the destitute, the Colombians, the British, the young, the old. No matter how shitty I feel, there are millions of other people feeling the exact same. And that's comforting. And unifying.

I never feel more connected with humanity than when I'm down about something.

I also realize how comparatively affluent and blessed I am.

But then, at the end of the day, it doesn't make it hurt any less. But I guess there's a beauty in the pain.

I'm honestly not sure how hurt I am right now, though. I wouldn't call it hurt. Or even sad, really. Just a bit disappointed. And self-conscious.

But it's nothing that a little (well, a lot) yoga, meditation, journaling, and Alanis Morissette won't cure.